Charms–a shout-out from forty years ago (at least!)

charmsThe Facebook headline said, “Any idea who these charms belong to?”–above a photo of two flat metal cutouts engraved with the names “Kathryn” and “Bradley.” If I had seen the post, I would have immediately known, by the names and the birthdates below them, who these people were. In fact, I am surprised that although more than 3000 people shared the post, Facebook did not find anyone who could identify my brother, Bradley. And the metal detectrist who found the charms lives a few miles from the members of my brother’s family, near Poughkeepsie, and most of them are on Facebook.

It’s not Facebook’s fault. Bradley started calling himself “Jay,” his middle initial, back in high school. When Gary E. Killmer, Jr., the detectrist, struck out with Facebook and detecting forums, he went to the library in Poughkeepsie to search school yearbooks, with no success. The Internet came through in the end, when he found a website that searches by first name and birthdate, and there was Bradley—who turned out to be Killmer’s insurance agent.

Kathryn, our cousin, died in 1996. The two charms were found near the Wappinger Creek, where we swam every summer as kids. When our grandmother was visiting, she used to come along for a dip in the creek, and she must have lost the charms from her bracelet on one of those expeditions. My parents put in a swimming pool in 1974 and stopped going to the creek, so the charms must have been lost over four decades ago.

Killmer lives in the neighborhood where I grew up, not far from the creek and around the block from the house where my mother still lives. I went by to thank him for returning the charms to us and to find out more about his hobby. He showed me three portable glass-topped display cases arrayed with the coins, forks, spoons, locks, scissors, and other items he has turned up over the years, each object carrying with it some morsel of history. “I find a lot of buckles,” Killmer said. “The world used to be held together with leather straps.”

The oldest artifact he has found is the head of an adze—a cutting tool resembling an axe. An archeologist at Vassar College dated the object to somewhere between 3500 and 5000 years old. Killmer’s most valuable discovery was a 1793 Liberty Cap Cent, which he sold for $6000. “I couldn’t justify keeping that one,” he said.

Once he located my family, he was excited to return the charms to us. The find was meaningful to me. I had been wondering if it was really worthwhile to keep plugging away at the book I’ve been writing about my ancestors for the last five years. I asked for a sign from the beyond to let me know. Obviously, Grandma thinks I should keep writing.

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Interview with my father

My father, 1960

My father, 1960

My father died five years ago. Our relationship continues to evolve.

Last summer, while brainstorming an exercise for a group at an artists’ and writers’ retreat organized by my friend Bethany Ides, I invented the ancestor interview. It turned out to be a simple but potent process, enabling the living to address the dead. Each person described an ancestor to the group and then conversed with someone who took the role of the ancestor.

When it was my turn, I picked my father. I spoke for five minutes, explaining that he was conservative, remote emotionally, yet financially generous. People asked questions, and I described his alienation from his birth family and his dedication to his work. Twenty-five-year-old Stephen offered to impersonate him. When I began to speak to Stephen-as-my-father, I was surprised at how angry I felt.

“I was hurt,” I told him. “You hardly ever talked to me. You didn’t pay attention to me unless I came after you.”

“I was busy earning a living,” he replied. “I didn’t know how to relate to kids anyway. That was your mother’s job.”

“I know, but don’t you understand how lonely I was? I was a really shy kid. It would have meant so much to have more of you in my life. You could have made more of an effort.”

“I did my best.”

“Well, that was the problem, you couldn’t do any better because you were so cut off from your emotions. You just squashed down all your feelings about your mother and left me with the mess of what you didn’t deal with. Your children and grandchildren have all suffered from it!”

The measured response came eerily close to the voice of my father. “That’s how you see it. But my family was crazy, and I had to protect myself and your mother. It’s not fair for you to blame your problems on me. We all have problems. We can feel sorry for ourselves, or we can move on.”

The conversation left me shaken and close to tears, but it was a relief to express my anger, and I felt a deepened compassion for my father. I also realized there was power in this method. Although I have studied with Glenn Leisching, an elder initiated into a West African tribe, I have found it difficult to organize ancestor rituals, the tradition indigenous people use to make contact with their forebears. For modern Westerners, ancestor interviews are more practical.

I told Glenn, who is now living in California, that I had discovered a Western alternative to African ancestor rituals. He compared the interviews to a system called Constellation Work, developed by a German psychotherapist who had spent time with the Zulu people in South Africa. “He based his work on what he learned from the Zulu about the ancestors,” said Glenn. “So you’re really using an African system after all.”

I will be leading an Ancestor Interview workshop at the Historical Society of Woodstock on Sunday, June 28, 2015, at 3 p.m. This event is a benefit for the museum, with a suggested donation of $10. Come and see what gifts your ancestors have for you.

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Pitman transcription reveals my great-grandmother’s secrets

Mary in 1896,  at the age of 24

Mary in February 1896, at the age of 24

Many thanks to my friend Josie Oppenheim, who responded to the previous blog post by locating a Pitman transcriber online. Tracey Jennings, a shorthand expert in the U.K., came up with translations of the four bits of shorthand text scattered through my great-grandmother’s diary of trip to her father’s birthplace, the village of Pontardulais, Wales, in 1892, when she was 20.

Mary Davies had taught herself Pitman shorthand, the prevalent system of the 19th century, and many stenographers have their own invented symbols for frequently used words and expressions. Therefore, the transcription is sketchy. What’s clear is that, rather than sex or even moonlight kisses, the racy details Mary wished to hide were proposals of marriage and declarations of love.

The first shorthand passage comes after a visit to a street carnival in the company of her cousin Maggie, the two Misses Williams, their brother Simeon, and several other boys.

We found a “Merry-go-around”, swings & a game of chance, which consisted of cocoanuts on sticks & the one who could knock the cocoanut off the stick was entitled to one. Simeon & another gentleman succeeded in getting five which they divided up amongst us. Finally with some reluctance we withdrew from the crowd, & eventually reached home but finding there company to entertain we did not retire until 12 o’clock.

The following shorthand passage translates to: “Simeon said when that time comes you will be my wife!”

Three weeks later, Mary and Will Bevan, who’s been hanging around a lot, go out on one of their frequent long walks with Maggie and Mr. Matthias. They stroll down a winding road Mary calls “a true lover’s lane,” and then comes shorthand text that states:

He told me tonight that he could very well be in love with me and please may he see me at our usual coffee tavern. Was … in love every day.

The afternoon before the Sheepdog Match, Maggie is so tired from washing her dress that she declines to go for a walk, so Mary and Mr. Bevan set out alone.

We stopped at a little house where an old woman named Nance Richards lives, a little woman, so tiny & ugly who supports herself by selling sweets. Mr. Bevan bought candy & nuts. Leaving there we walked up the track through the tunnel & then ascended the mountain, presently striking a beautiful lane. We sat down for a while & then went on & stopped at a farmhouse where the lady gave me some lovely roses. We then came home but were caught in the rain.

The coded words that follow are transcribed:

… along the lovely levels when he told me he loved me, asked me to be his wife but I said no. Would not take no for an answer. Ordered me then to give him an answer or I could go home which I promised to do on Saturday.

The final passage comes after Mr. Bevan and Mr. Benson, Maggie’s new beau, spend an evening in the house where the girls are staying with their cousins. The boys send out for sweets and oranges, and the two couples have a pleasant time eating and playing dominoes. But the shorthand text is too garbled to make sense of.

I hope Mary doesn’t mind that I have given out her secrets, now that everyone involved is long gone from the earth. I don’t think any of her descendants will be scandalized by her news. I only wish she had given us more details about her feelings for her admirers. Was she sad to leave poor Mr. Bevan behind? Or was she tired of his protestations? Probably I will never know.

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Anyone out there know Pitman shorthand?

Mary Davies in 1891, aged 19

Mary Davies in 1891, aged 19

When my great-grandmother, Mary Davies, was 20 years old, she took a trip to Wales with her cousin to visit relatives. It was 1892, she was petite and pretty, and the Welsh boys flocked to pay court to two exotic American girls.

Mary kept a diary of her adventures, which consisted mainly of sleeping till 11 a.m. and then writing letters for hours (“We were writing a good part of the day & went in the evening to post the letters.”); visits to neighbors (“One peculiarity we have noticed is, no one has asked us to take off our wraps, & all places we go to we sit with them on.”); and long walks along the country roads with other young people (“Altogether we walked about three miles & a half & felt very proud, even tho’ we were tired, but a good night’s rest fixed us up all right.”)

At thirteen, when I first read the diary, I couldn’t figure out why Mary and her friends were constantly taking walks. I’m now realizing that rural lanes were the ideal setting for flirtation, romance, and perhaps the occasional kiss.

Having promised Mr. Bevan to go walking with him we all started out at seven o’clock up Swansea road & across the marsh to the old Church. It was a beautiful evening & walking along beside the river we would throw sticks & stones in for Mr. Bevan’s dog Nero to swim after. Mr. Matthias caught up with us…The moon came out bright & full & we had a delightful stroll home, with a package of sweets to munch on.

Mary was a proper Victorian girl, so if kissing was involved, she didn’t mention it. However, there are places in the diary where a possible kiss is implied.

In the evening Mr. Matthias & Mr. Bevan came, & we all started for a walk….It turned out to be a beautiful evening & the road selected was a lovely, a true lovers lane, with many little curves & turns. We did not get home until eleven o’clock, & although we had walked at least five miles it did not seem that long.

Following this passage are two tantalizing sentences in shorthand.

mary shorthand scrap3Mary had worked as a stenographer at George W. Crane Publishing in Topeka, Kansas, for several years. In those days, the prevalent system of stenography had been invented by an Englishman, Sir Isaac Pitman. By the mid-20th century, Pitman shorthand was largely replaced in the U.S. by the Gregg system. Thus I have not succeeded in finding anyone who can translate the five brief shorthand passages scattered through Mary’s diary.

I doubt that their contents are especially racy. But if anyone out there knows Pitman shorthand and would like to take a crack at translation, I’m dying to know what Mary wrote. Email me at

Read more about Mary in this older blog post.

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The insane asylum next door

State mental hospital in Columbus, Ohio

State mental hospital on Marion St. in Columbus, Ohio

In a letter to my great-grandmother in about 1941, her sister, Emma Davies Sharp Smith, sketched her memories of their childhood home in Columbus, Ohio, where they lived on Marion Street:

It was a dead end st. at both ends – our side dead end was the State Asylum for Insane – burned down when I was about 3 yrs old – Dad had on his blue Army overcoat that next morn when he took me down to see the ruins. In the years that followed we youngsters use to slip thru the fence & play down in the cellars.

Dad was William Morgan Davies, who had served in the Union army. If Emma was three, the year was 1868. The Asylum Projects website confirms:

On the evening of November 18, 1868, the asylum caught fire and was almost completely destroyed. There were three hundred and fourteen patients in the asylum, and six were suffocated by the smoke before they could be rescued.

The “Lunatic Asylum of Ohio” had been in operation for 30 years. It was replaced by the new Columbus State Hospital in a different part of town. The massive building that opened in 1877 accommodated 852 patients, more than double the capacity of the old asylum. The website description concludes:

The hospital remained in service until the late 1980s, despite falling into severe disrepair. It was demolished in 1997….Four patient cemeteries of the Columbus State Hospital still exist.

I’m fascinated by the way a short paragraph in an old letter can evoke a vivid moment that took place over a century ago and can lead me into a strange little history lesson. I wonder how the Davies family felt about living down the street from an institution for the mentally ill. One might think the houses there would be cheap, but Emma writes:

Washington Ave. cut Marion St. in half. We lived in the East side…The two East & West never mingled. The East side was a bit more classy – Ha-Hem.

She remembers the neighbors as a banker, a contractor, a high school superintendent, a wealthy Irish family.

Then the Shedds – large family w/ boys – father worked in bank – cashier – was sent to prison – stole.

Ironically, when William later beat his wife with a horsewhip, he was judged by the family to be suffering from stress due to his war experience, which included three months in the infamous Confederate prison at Andersonville. But those mental health issues were years in the future when he stood in his army coat, holding the hand of his three-year-old in the November chill, gazing at the wreckage of the mental hospital down the street.

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More on Russian immigrants

Jack and Ben Gorelick with their parents

Jack and Ben Gorelick with their parents

Here is the sequel to the previous post about my husband’s White Russian grandparents. We left Avram Gorelick walking on the road from the Ukraine to Hamburg, having deserted the Russian army on the eve of World War I. He was determined to get to New York in pursuit of his beloved, Lena Arenberg.

“His goal was to go 40 miles a day,” said Jack Gorelick, my father-in-law. “He said that in the army, they had a 40-pound pack and were forced to march 40 miles a day.” On the trip to Hamburg, Avram would occasionally hitch a ride on a wagon, but he didn’t try to get on a train. His greatest fear was that he would be sent back to the army, so he took as few chances as possible.

Avram arrived in Hamburg, which had a Jewish Bureau, since the port was a departure point for thousands of Jews. There he retrieved his own identity. His brother Kiveh was already in New York, working in a sweatshop. He had bought a ticket and mailed it to Avram. It was the spring of 1914. If war had broken out sooner, he would have been finished—the Jewish brigades were used for minesweeping.

The Jewish Currents article about Avram and Lena describes Avram’s life in New York, where he tracked down the Arenbergs. When Lena and her brother, Yankel, contracted tuberculosis, the family moved to Scranton, Pennsylvania, and Avram followed, walking from Hoboken to Scranton along the railroad tracks. After Yankel’s death at the age of 18, Avram–now known as Abe–married Lena. Somehow, Abe’s friend Beryl (see previous post) also made it to Scranton and married Perla, Lena’s sister.

Abe and Lena had two sons: Jack and his younger brother, Ben.

“My mother was a beauty,” Jack recalled, “and so skilled as a seamstress. I remember when I was a kid, after the revolution, we would send flour and clothing to the family in Russia—they were starving. We’d stick a five-dollar bill in the middle of a sack of flour so it couldn’t be found by customs. We’d send a men’s coat or jacket and sew money in the shoulder pad. My mother could sew in such a way—my grandmother would come out and feel it–so you wouldn’t be able to tell there was money in there. My mother could sew a seam so that you couldn’t see it. She’d sew little beads on dresses. After a while, she couldn’t thread a needle, so as a kid I would thread needles for her.”

I’m so lucky that Jack Gorelick has reached the age of 95 and still loves to talk about his ancestors.

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Russian Jewish immigrant stories: Gorelicks and Arenbergs

Lena, Ben, Abraham, and Jack Gorelick, circa 1929

Lena, Ben, Abraham, and Jack Gorelick, circa 1929

In the town of Gomel in Byelorus (White Russia), the Torah was read at the synagogue on Mondays and Thursdays. When a boy, such as my father-in-law Jack Gorelick’s father, turned 13, he would go to shul with his father on the Monday or Thursday closest to his birthday. He’d read from the Torah portion, and get a blessing from the rabbi. “That was your bar mitzvah,” says my Jack. “Go home, your mother maybe makes a cookie for you, that’s it.”

This anecdote is one of several stories that didn’t make it into my article on Jack’s family that was published in December 2013 on the Jewish Currents website. His mother’s relatives–metalworkers and master tailors–were affluent, while his father, Avram Gorelick, grew up dirt-poor in the village of Gomel in Byelorus (White Russia). Both families were devoted to their Jewish traditions.

Avram was about 13 when he began delivering bread to Lena Arenberg’s family at their Gomel dacha and fell in love. Each summer, he would admire her standing at the door. But in 1912, the Arenbergs emigrated to the U.S., and 18-year-old Avram joined the army, along with his best friend, Beryl Horowitz, who been apprenticed to Lena’s father, the tailor.

After two years in the army, both of them deserted. They separated, to reduce their chances of being caught, and Avram went to his brother Koppel’s little farm. Koppel didn’t dare take him into the house, so Avram stayed in the shed with the cow. Everyone had an identity card, but Avram couldn’t use his own because the police would be looking for him. Many people got to Ellis Island and were sent back for medical reasons or for mental illness. Back home, they sold their passports, and Koppel bought one for Avram.

Then Koppel drove his brother in a wagon, hidden in the hay, over the border to the Ukraine, bribing the guard with homemade vodka. From there, Avram walked most of the way to Hamburg, a distance of almost 1000 miles. To be continued–

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